Jane Doe's Story

My sobriety date is Mar 27, 2012.

I am an agnostic in AA which may or may not be a big deal where you live but it IS a big deal where I live.  A few years ago, I started an Agnostics Group in my town, and my naive little bubble of everyone in recovery loves each other was popped when a member with like 30 years sober brought up in a group conscience meeting to no longer allow our group to announce our meetings, I fought (verbally) and he lost....then fast forward to last month and another group went to the local inter-group meeting and our group name was actually on the agenda.  They wanted to vote that we no longer be recognized as AA because some of our members are agnostic and **gasp** atheists, even though we are registered with GSO.  The inter-group had sent spies to our meeting and were breaking peoples anonymity left and right saying, well in this meeting so and so talked about how they did the steps without God and so and so quoted from this literature saying it helped them and it isn't right, etc.

I met my sponsor while drunk in a meeting and a fellow member jokingly told me she was now my sponsor when she repeatedly had to reign my drunk self in. I am grateful to him, she is an amazing sponsor. She never once told me I had to believe in God and never once told me but helped me through the steps and is still there for me today. After a couple years I started to explore the concept of my higher power in a different way. Up until then I had been trying to find a definition that fit the entity I believed I had to believe in but just couldn't. A God like those around me believed in. With the suggestion of a friend I started looking at starting an agnostic group. I attended a meeting in another city an hour and a half away named Agnostics and Others, in Raleigh NC. I spoke with the founder or that group and then myself and others co-founded a group in Fayetteville NC under the same name, Agnostics and Others.  We had some support here but to my surprise had a lot of hostile opposition.  My view of AA changed drastically. There were people vocally wanting to stop the announcement of our group, people who used to say hello and hug me at meetings stopped talking to me altogether, some to this day still haven't said a single word to me, I've had women say to my face I couldn't say certain things and basically make me feel unwanted in a program that helped save my life.  I stopped attending AA for about a year and started listening to speakers on the Internet.  I love love love hearing people share their stories even if the speaker is deeply religious I still feel connected to their experience. For me it isn't about trying to make people not believe in God and/or prayer.  I feel like recovery is about showing love and support regardless of if someone is deeply religious or not religious at all like me.   This speaker project came about when I started looking for stories from people who were agnostic, atheist, minorities and not being able to find them.  I am someone who abused alcohol, drugs, people, and food. It helps me to hear Iā€™m not alone and so I decided to try and make a collection of stories that help people find their story.  The site is not an AA site.  I want to find all kinds of stories and label them accordingly so people can easy find speakers.  I'm asking people to record their story, or type them if they want and share their experience, strength, and hope with their addiction. They can then tell me how to label it, is it their story with alcohol, drugs, self harm, etc, is is the voice of an alcoholic, addict, al anon, etc.  Or are they many of these voices? I am an alcoholic and addict and bulimic.  I no longer drink, or do drugs, or use food as a means to control my life but I used to. So when I share and then someone tells me (which they have) that I can't talk about drugs or food struggles but ONLY alcohol, then I'm not really being totally honest about me. That is why I want to include all kinds of recovery shares on this site. Because everyone deserves a life free of addiction. It's been several years since the Agnostics and Others meeting was created and there are still people who are trying to get rid of the group.  Our group was on the inter-group agenda.  I'm here for the love and support not the negative hate.

Fast forward to today.  I love recovery despite this.  It taught me how to live, IT SAVED MY LIFE.  One of the things I've learned is recovery, any recovery program is that it requires action.  

I love listening to people share their stories so am trying to start an online library of sorts where people can find voices that are like their own.  I want to clarify that the site is not just for AA.  I want to create an online library that have all sorts of stories of addiction and recovery, be it alcohol, drugs, food, AA, NA, OA, HA, SA, etc as well as Al Anon, Narc Anon.  I would also like to have more voices for minorities whose stories are hard to find online, Asians, African Americans, LGBT, etc.  

This is the link to the website I'm trying to build.